Empathy is getting a lot of attention these days.
Empathy is what sets humans apart from other species and robots. It allows us to relate to other people and their experiences, helps us understand how others may be feeling and contributes to us being compassionate. The social psychologist Jonathan Haidt argues that empathy is an ‘antidote to righteousness’ and is key to addressing the polarisation that threatens to undermine democracies. In addition, so-called ‘soft skills’ are increasingly recognised as essential to both personal and professional success, with research emerging to suggest that empathy is essential to developing the capacity to cooperate and collaborate.
Psychologists believe that we are primed for empathy by strong attachment relationships that are formed in the first two years of life. Empathy extends further than sympathy, i.e. feeling pity or sorrow, as it encompasses the ability to understand another’s feelings and views. People who demonstrate empathy are therefore able to build stronger personal relationships.
At school, this enhances focus and increases learning. People who lack empathy, on the other hand, are often highly critical of others and more likely to accuse their peers of being overly sensitive or have trouble admitting they may be wrong. Generally, they can lack concern for others or and are unlikely to be able to join in with enthusiasm.
In Ms Stone’s first newsletter for the year, she highlighted that kindness is a decision, a choice. Kindness is not a feeling and there should be no excuses not to be kind. Kindness is, however, greatly encouraged by empathy.
So how do we go about teaching empathy? Children learn empathy from watching their parents, teachers and other adult role models. In the early years, it begins with imaginative play – whether that’s playing with dolls, role playing or problem-solving in character.
As girls get older, they can learn specific skills which open up the possibility of connection – how to demonstrate a genuine interest in another; how to listen; how to show respect for others’ opinions. They can also learn important lessons through making authentic connections with people from diverse backgrounds and experiences.
People who understand how to watch, listen and observe behaviours and emotions are often the most successful in life. Empathy often changes the kinds of decisions we make or the actions we take. It breeds courage, which is one of our School values. Parents often feel that they need to shield their children from feelings or troubles. Sharing and verbalising a range of emotions will ultimately help our girls recognise and respond to the emotions of others.
Working together on social justice projects, for instance, can build empathy. Senior School girls who have travelled either to Macleay Vocational College or to our partner schools in Cambodia are better able to appreciate and understand the difference in cultural norms, lifestyles and opportunities experienced by students the same age. Simply opening a discussion about the experiences of other young people in the world can be eye-opening. Right now, an 8-year-old or a 16-year-old in India or Yemen or the USA is likely to be experiencing the world very differently from their peers in Australia.
Finally, reading is a powerful way to learn empathy. From the youngest age, girls can expand their horizons and connection with different characters through books, and parents can assist by asking questions, such as how a character might be thinking or feeling, and why. If you would like to help your daughter develop a greater understanding of another’s perspective, some book suggestions for all ages are below.
Picture books:
Luke’s Way of Looking by Nadia Wheatley
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox
Middle Primary:
Wonder by R.J Palacio
Out of My Mind by Sharon M Draper
Everything I’ve Never Said by Samantha Wheeler
The Distance Between Me and the Cherry Tree by Paola Peretti
Upper Primary:
The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas by John Boyne
The Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank
Senior Readers:
Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson (this has 15+ content)
A Step Towards Falling by Cammie McGovern
The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
Because of You by Pip Harry
The Bone Sparrow by Zana Frallion